Always
by kim98
Summary: Peter is also there, that night in the Forest, him and many more. - 'I never meant for any of you to die.' You want to scream those words. You want them to hear those words, because they are true. Even if your actions in the past have led them directly to this point, to this moment, you need them to know that was never your intention. You were just too much of a coward.


Always

* * *

It was a strange feeling. It felt, like someone inside your head was saying your name over and over and over again.

_Wormtail._

_Wormtail._

And you could hear them clearly and loudly. Every syllable everyone said, exactly how _he_ would pronounce them. You spent many years in their dormitory, eavesdropping all his conversations. You knew his voice, his low tone, how he sometimes dragged the last syllable, especially when he was anxious.

_Wormtail. _

_Wormtail._

_Worm_tail.

Even though _he_ knew you the least, you recognized his call the most.

Being called from the dead is really a strange experience. It's like being awakened from a very light sleep; most people would think that it would be a deep sleep. But no, it feels, like you've only been asleep for five minutes.

But everything has changed so much, you think, you must have been asleep for more than 5 minutes.

_Wormtail!_

_Worm_tail!

James, Sirius, Lily, Remus, Dumbledore, Snape, a thousand more voices are calling you in your head.

And Harry.

Harry you recognize the most.

_**Wormtail!**_

_Okay_, you say to yourself and to the insisting voices_, I'll come_.

So you wake up. You answer that call and you blink and suddenly you are in the Forest. The castle is burning behind in the distance; some of the towers are obvious through the tree branches. And your eyes sting when you see how they burn and crumble. Hogwarts is burning and you could have somehow avoided this.

_Wormtail!_

You see Harry first. He is bleeding and pale. He looks so much like James, right this moment, he looks like your best friend and you almost run away when you see that _James_ is standing right next to Harry.

James, Lily and Harry. Grown up and together how they were supposed to be and you want to run the farthest away you can.

_Wormtail._

_Worm_tail.

But you don't, because Harry is calling you, and you should stay. You have to stay.

So you take a few steps and you begin to notice the difference between the boy and his parents. James and Lily, though as brilliantly bright and invitingly as always, have this faded look to them. Their colors are more muted and from the distance you can distinguish a silvery mist around them that illuminates Harry in a magnificent, yet disturbing, way.

You look down and you see that you are glowing the same way. Only maybe, more muted colors and not so invitingly.

You move your hands around and it's then that you notice that you are not alone. There's a teenage girl, dressed in Gryffindor colors, standing a few feet to your right. A bright red gash covers her face, and there's rubble in her curly hair. She's been awakened too, you reckon, from an extremely short dream. Maybe she never fully felt _dead_.

You look back to Harry again, and you see his mouth moving, but there's a strange fuzz in your ears, so you take a few steps forward and you see that Remus and Sirius are there too.

And you think, it's been an awfully long time since you four have been together in one place.

Reunited, but never fully so.

"You've been so brave."

You wish they were saying those words to you. But you will never, ever deserve them. You will never, ever deserve _them_ again. Lily. James. Sirius and Remus. You lost them, you threw them away, and you regret it so much.

You take one more step, but then fall back, because you don't want them seeing you.

"I never meant for any of you to die for me."

You almost choke at those words. And the Gryffindor girl reaches out for you with concerned eyes, but you ignore her and you take a few more steps backwards.

I never meant for _any_ of you to die. You want to scream those words. You want them to hear those words, because they are true. Even if your actions in the past have led them directly to this point, to this moment, you need them to know that was never your intention.

You drop to your knees when you see Harry reaching out for Lily. And in the corner of your eyes you see more grey, silvery mists all around you.

There are at least a dozen of ghosts (recollections? What are you really?) around Harry. He must have summoned all of them. Unconsciously, because you doubt he summoned _you_. Why would he?

You think that he probably just asked for his family, for his friends and for those who loved him and supported him. And that's all of these people around you. Because it's more than a dozen of admirers. It's hundreds of them. Thousands, even.

And you, you are one of them.

Because you know that now. You love Harry. Always have and always will. You love Sirius and James and Remus and Lily. You are just too much of a coward to admit it. To act on it. You are such a coward, that you don't even know how to begin to apologize. You don't even deserve to be forgiven, you know that. And it doesn't matter, because you will never be brave enough to tell them all of this.

But you do love them. And you do regret it all. And that's why you are here. At least in you death you can do one, small, insignificant good deed. You can support Harry now, you think, because you really, truly don't have _anything_ else to lose.

You've lost it all.

"Stay close to me." Harry asks. And you listen. And as he starts to walk away, deeper into the forest, closer to his destiny, you follow him. You, and thousands more, follow him. Because this, you can do. Harry's asking, and this time you (and many more) will gladly help him.

_Always_, you promise _, I will always stay close to you, Harry_.

The Marauders seem to recognize your voice and they turn their heads around, never stopping, never leaving Harry's side.

James's eyes find yours and you almost turn around and run. But you don't, you just stumble your way through. You made a new vow to Harry. And this time, at _least_ this time, you intend to keep it.

James swallows and turns back to look at his son, he keeps on walking.

And so you go, with every Potter supporter in the afterlife, with your true family and friends, the ones you don't deserve and the ones that don't want you there. But you cling.

And Harry. You go with Harry, because, after all, he did summon you.

And you answered his call. And you always will.

_Always_.

* * *

I've had this one saved for a while. The forrest scene has always been my most favorite one in all of the books. It breaks my heart and stitches it back together.

And Peter, he somehow does that too to me.


End file.
